I'm Baaaack...

Date:9/27/21 - Time:7:31pm watching a movie

Ok its probably not 2 weeks but its close enough. I forgot to do my allergy shots today. Ooops.
Thank you to those of you that emailed me to tell me you where sorry to hear about my uncle passing. That ment a whole lot. it was a rough week for my mom but not fully over with being hurt but thats enough time to understand the pain that we have to go through. we know hes in a better place then we are. God Gives us that Time to Grieve for our loved ones.So its in the process of it all..
But im back updating the sites i cant wait for halloween to come already lol. its gonna be a better halloween this year for the kids. i hope its cold as well like last time. ofcurse i dont think we will do anything but give out candy maybe guess when the time comes i know they like to dress up for fun.. so well see. Ofcourse i will do something like a cut in my face i like doing those but they take forever to do lol..
Just wanted to blog alittle tell you i was ok, or we are ok!

Hi, not fully back but just wanted to Blog..

Date:9/23/21 - Time:10:22pm

I miss blogging. But im not fully back yet I just wanted to blog.
So it's been pretty rough on my mom these last few days, it's not easy losing someone to you where close to since as growing up togehter and remembering the good ole days and watching the wake on camera because it was to far to go to see it in person. Watching the berial on a video that they sent. I never seen an army one where they shoot and do the service pretty amazing. I know he was in the army for 25 years and maybe longer. It's just so sad that it had to covid you know. like Why did this covid have to come? Why is it killing our loved ones? we all have something in common we all have lost a loved one. I think i lost 3 people family members to covid. My uncle on my dad's side, my cousin, and now my uncle on my moms side. My great grandma raised my mom and my uncle. They where pretty closed. its sad. So as you might know but i been spending time with my mom because i know its not easy losing a loved on and just being strong for her while she goes through this. Trying my best to be good. which means i took her out to eat today :) and laughed a little. Even though i wish i could tell her that he is in a much better place then we are at the moment. atleast he is on the streets of gold as you would imagine thats what it looks like in heaven. I wouldnt know i never been there but i can only imagine just being in the arms of the lord where there is no place like it. No pain and no worries. ttysoon!

My Uncle-Update


taking a 2 week hiatus in honor of my uncle. He died yesterday. How ever i will answer Emails. Decided to change the layout. hope you like this one. talk soon!!

Covid 19 - My uncle

Date:09/10/21 Time:8:37pm watching: Loveisland

I am asking for prayers for my uncle who is in the hospital for the past week due to having covid. He is on a 100% oxgen. Its been nerve wracking for my mom who is having a melt down. Shes here in texas and hes in the state of washington. Pleaser say a prayer. The doctors say "NO hope" but no doctor can say no hope but only god knows. There still is a chance that he could pull through. Prayer is the numberr one thing that has got me through anything. When my dad was in the hospital god saved my dad. He could have died due to having a heartattack but he didnt.. with that god has been my number one. so please pray for my uncle. I still have hope..

Updated in the background..

Date:9/03/21 - Time:10:26pm Listening:Creed

hey whats up? so im doing ok. Just fixed the boxes on those pages they where making me pull my hair out again lol. When i cant figure something out i make myself stay up and figure it out the best i can and then if i can't i go to bed and wake up and figure it out. I know i code a little better then what i use to. A little better but even then sometimes i catch myself wondering if thats what i want or now. Still will learn the hard way before i get things the right way. So anyways i fixed that and then i went on to make some more signs like Email me, got hosted and moved signs. I really like how they came out.
I am on some new medication and i have to take these At night with 380 calories to eat. like what can i eat with these pills. But if i dont eat enough i will feel sick and i hate this new medication but this is what i am on. Im not going to tell you what they are or put exactly what this one is for cause i dont want anyone thinking there is something wrong with me or judge me. I am learning more about it as i go and still dont understand. But i get why and i get why i get the way i do. But we wont get into that right now.
I dont ever talk about my past because i been through a hella of crazy time with my baby daddy being absusive, having a stalker at 16 knowing about sex at the age of 7 because kids i grew up with knew more stuff i didnt want to know it ruined my child hood. There is tons of stuff i cant really go into but thats just a little of now i am able to talk about it.I guess thats why i dont let me kids stay anywhere with anyone. Thats why sometimes my depression can be bad, sometimes it can be super bad where i cant talk about it but im beginning to be more open. Sometimes i dont want to go in to detail because im scared of what people might think of me and i feel like i cant breath just thinking about it. I need to talk to someone like a therpist and maybe it would help. I have PTSD which i tend to go back and forth about my past. Im not like everyone who can walk pass this i have to talk about it in my blog if i don't then i don't know how else i can get through this. im ok though this is just me talking. anyways im ok. Talk soon!

Hello September

Date:9/01/21 - Time:1am - Listening to Music
Did August come in and just say hi and bye? Crazy how just a blink of an eye it was here and now its gone. I cant belive it. I am looking at a new computer chair cause the one i have it hurts my butt lol i need a new one cause i have one but its not comforable its almost as if i am sittin on the floor. Ugh i also would like to get a laptop but i dunno anymore. i really like my big ass computer screen cause i can cerate.
What else depresseion is sinking in nice and steal. Dating is getting to the point where no body wants to really take you on a date anymore. Which is why i hold back. I wanna be with someone to make me laugh again cause im happy but not fully and it would be AWESOME to spend time with someone normal again lol but yet again im lost with yes and no. ugh when does this feeling go? just let me be yes and thats it. Gesh im so hard on myself sometimes. I wonder if im with someone will i neglet this website i hope not because it helps me be me and blog and i love it. I dont ever want to leave. Anyways i putting this blog up early its not even 1am yet lol. Im early i know. Well i am doing ok its just the dating, life and depression and i dont want to step down to that level i want to be up and happy. Will i ever be? i dunno.. talk to you all soon!!